Happy Ma's day:)

Ma....such a small word but means the world. Have such wonderful childhood memories and today as a mother  of two boys, i hope i  can be even half a mother that my ma is  to me...Simple, straightforward, the most sweetest, sensitive and yes the bestest ma in the whole entire world ..that is my ma..... friendly, compassionate, empathetic and strong, she always was and is to date involved in the community where my parents live:)

I remember when I was sick, I  would hold on tight to her  and insist she stay with  me, selfishly as only a child can be,  and she even though she knew, that I was not that sick that she needed to stay with me, would do so, unselfishly putting her day on hold:) She was my go between between me and Ba, especially if I had a bad report card that needed his signature, or needed his permission to go to a school trip:) I learned early on that I could get what I wanted if I shed enuf tears and shamelessly exploited it:))

The most fav part that has continued from childhood is her feeding me:) Many a times after we came back from school or were tired  she mixes up the rice  and sabji  into the most tasty morsel in the entire world...I have been known to have eaten stuff that I detested, if Ma fed me, as I used to be so busy chatting with her,I would not notice...and yes whenever she visits me here in te US or I come home, she feeds me:))) My kids think it is very funny:))

As they say what goes around come s around..Now I am a Ma to  two wonderful boys and all I wish and hope that I can teach my kids the life's ;lessons that my parents taught me, those that has helped me live my life, the way I am today is all because of my parents:))

I love u Ma:)

Roads

Roads
We know not
from where u begin
where is your end


Roads
you are seemingly endless
yet you help us reach our destination
you show no discrimination
Old and young
rich or poor

Roads
you are a witness
to many a joy
and many a pain
you have helped
the hopefuls reach where they need to be
and carried many a wayward
to their destination

Roads
You have been drenched by the blood
of the ones wounded
You have helped begin
many a new life

Roads
You are trodden over
driven over
no one contemplating
that without you
where would we be

Roads
We know not
from where u begin
where is your end

Moonlight Sonata

as i lay on my bed
in the night
feeling the twinges of pain coming on
i looked out the window
cud see moonbeams thru
the window slats
cool, calm and so very bright

as I pondered my life
wondering what would it be
as I gazed at those lines on my carpet
as the moonbeams sneaked through
the window, illuminating
and brightening my mind that
was filled with dark thoughts

As I looked through bleary eyes
at the big fat moon that hung in the sky
as I looked at the beautiful night
awash in her brilliance

I wanted to forget
about the twinges of pain invading my body
about my toes curling
about my body stiff as board
about cramps rippling through my body
in painful twitches
as i lay on my bed frozen

I close my eyes as
I tiptoe into the moonlight
as in my thoughts I  could hear
the soft seductive strain of the
moonlight sonata, the soft music
coursing through me, permeating my
body, mind and soul
as my body swayed and whirled
in beat to the music

'cos u see in my dreams
I am in control
as I dance along with the moonbeams:))

Parenting

What a roller coaster ride it is being a parent...emotions turbulent, heart squeezes, protective instincts on high alert, Need to let go, want to hold them tight, need to let them fall, but you feel the pain of every scrape with them, want to protect them from the world, the nastiness, the feeling of utter helplessness, when u see the tears well in their eyes, your heart cries with them, as u try to be strong for them, as I realise that really the best we can do, is teach them to be the best human being, to make the right choices and wait with bated breath and a thudding heart, hoping, wishing and praying that they remember that in the time when u are not around to protect them...Yes Parenting is the hardest, yet most fulfilling job around, that lasts a lifetime:)))

DreamCatcher

As I look around myself
at the glittering shards
surrounding  me
fragments of my dreams
shattered by things
beyond my control

I had held on to them
for the very longest  time
immersing myself,
in my vision that I had
trying my very best to
convey that to the dream  merchants

They who held the power to turn
my dreams into reality
busy creating glittering visions for else
wait we'll get back to u they say...

But ....but my heart stammers
u do not understand....I have
limited time and I need to...
I tried telling them about the uninvited
thing in my body....

Oh u poor thing they say, pity oozing
then they shrug and continue their way
they do not see, do not have the time to see
my desperation, my passion, my belief, my vision
as like me, they are countless others
clamoring for their attention...
I am but a mere speck

Little do they know....
the battles I waged
the terrors of my mind that
I fought valiantly
the sneers and jeers I tolerated
that I am but a fool to dream
glittery dreams
a foolish woman past her prime
yearning for the moon n shine
must be off her rocker...

I tried with my heart and soul
I fought with my will and determination
I tried to explain but to no avail
The jeers turned to knowing smiles
The uninvited guest in my body
making himself comfortable
my mind,body and soul
focused on my daily living
as I rolled on downhill

As I heard the shatter
my eyes blinded by tears
my heart broken, as I picked up
one large piece of my shattered dream
the shard sharp, glittery and broken
As I stared into it

As I wiped my tears away
clearing my vision
I looked, really looked
into it and saw my eyes, my soul looking back
and there I noticed the glimmer
the glimmer of hope, determination
and will power, that I  thought I had lost

fighting  to break through the grey murkiness
of tears and the shadows of defeat
my What the heck...attitude shining away
I stared at it hard and strong till the glimmer
radiated through me
infusing me with renewed hope

Yes I may be down, but far from defeated
Yes I may be down, but far from dejected
Yes I may be down, but far from weak
Yes I may be down, but far from helpless
Yes I may be down, but far from lifeless
Yes I may be down, but far from visionless

So I decide as I look down at the fragments
I may be down but definitely not out
There are things I need to do
There are things I want to do

As I look up to the
big dude high up there
beyond the blue yonder

I  tell him
Dude you better give me the strength
'cos I ain't giving up
I am going at it
what I don't know
but will follow the dictates of my heart
and rely on u to show me the way
cos ain't that part of your job anyway?

So I gather  the pieces and glue
them on the board of my life
making a pretty pattern, adding some glitter
some bling, building iit into a beautiful mosaic
of my renewed dreams

Yup I dream on as always
'cos if u do not have a dream
u are not really alive:)))

Break Free:)

I want to beak free
Free from all that chains
me to the past
encumbering me

I want to break free
and soar like a bird
up above all the
pain and disillusionment
that I see
being inflicted on humans
by humans


I want to break free
from the
gossamer web of
emotions and emotional
entanglements

I want to break free
of all the maze of lies
that people spin
snaring one in it's
confusing plots

I want to break free
of human frailties
that I have...
an emotional doormat
that I am
I let everyone wipe their feet
on me

I want to break free
of the the guilt
swamping me
drowning me in despair

I want to break free
and fly to the highest peak
to the highest zenith
to look down and
see where I can help
make a difference

Yes I want to break free:)

Swirling depths of darkness

Swirling depths of darkness
dark and ominous
grim and foreboding
waiting to suck you in

heart thudding away
head feels like caught
in a pincer's grasp
body restless
mind a flutter

eyes shutting
parched throat
tongue sticking to the
roof of my mouth

my body a jitter
nerves a jangle
keening sound in the ear
anxiety ratcheting

the well of darkness
ready to grasp u in it's
embrace
dragging u into the
swirling depths of  darkness

But I say... I do not like you
I like my sunshine
I like my giggles
I like the wildflowers
I  like the gurgle of the stream

I want to feel the caress of the breeze
the kiss of the sun
I want my sunshine, laughter and love
that I know is waiting for me
in the yonder

I see blue skies
green grass
and yes hope
shining like a beacon

So I hang on tight
my eyes, heart, mind and soul
focusing on the light
hanging on for dear life
as i know if I am sucked in
swirling depths of darkness
getting out would be difficult

So with single minded focus
I pull myself out of the well of despair
grunting and grasping
bathed in a sheen of sweat

and as i collapse on the other side
a giggle forces through my throat
ecstatic that i was
able to free myself from
the swirling depths of darkness